Welcome to the cyberspace inauguration of Our Lady of Malted Barley and Hops. After weeks of planning, procrastination, and trepidation, we have finally officially opened our doors to the public. Generally, in the future, the sermon will cover other topics pertaining to beer, brewing, the brewing industry, or anything else we may feel is relevant to the cause. But today, with an inaugural brew in hand, aptly named 'Ankh Pale', I'll utilize these sixteen dollar a month electrons to tell you a little bit about the church, how we began, and where we want to go.

From a historical perspective, the church in and of itself is relatively young, but our beliefs are millenia in the making. It is generally believed that the first fermented beverage was borne from accident, as many great inventions throughout time also were. Why, just recently, ancient brewing recipes, and even dried yeast sediment have been discovered in archaeological digs in Egypt--showing us that fermentation has been around for a mighty long time...and it's going nowhere anytime soon. From these cryptic scrolls and reliefs, they we able, with a little creative conditioning, to re-create a beer with the same re-hydrated yeast used in ancient times. Aged to perfection? We all hope so!! With this discovery of fermentation by the ancients came the luxury of choice--choice of style, choice of ingredients, and extent of passion put out toward this newfound Craft. Since this time, numerous (and when I say numerous, I mean a bazillione, but since that isn't even an official number as far as I am aware...take it at face value) styles have been developed--from the India Pale Ale, brewed extra-bitter to stay fresh for months....to the often under-rated porter-a dark, malty brew, from which today's stout was eventually derived. This, in a grain husk, is the core of our tenet.

For years, I searched for personal spiritual stability and something to believe in. I observed many gods, and many religions from afar, only to find that they all held the same central dogma...that of peace and unity among humankind. I came to learn that the only true faith needed, was faith in oneself. Scrape away all the excess fringe of ceremony and iconic veils, and it's all the same to me. Is there one true religion? We may never know. We're here to offer you not a substitute for your own beliefs, but a supplement of sorts...a freedom to know that you have the ability to consume your beverage of choice (although presently, this is subject to your local laws concerning alcoholic beverages), and pay spiritual tribute to those who make it so.

My own crusade began not so long ago. I was introduced to the Craft by fellow employees in a Central Florida Engineering firm I worked with several years back. I fully enjoyed consuming the hefty batches of brew I had cultivated into existence with my own hands. Even more so, I reveled in sharing my creations with friends and family, just to show what could be done with a few basic ingredients. Several years later, I wed my beautiful soulmate, Rowan, who, thankfully tolerates my obsessions, and even assists, and occasionally enjoys some of the horrid batches of mead we have produced. Though I must mention, she very much dislikes the smell of boiling wort, so I am forced to brew in certain "windows of opportunity" when the house has sufficient time to air out. Digression aside, I was still in search of beliefs. One dark, moonless night, a voice spoke out to me--"You must share your knowledge with the world." Well, okay, so it was actually my compadre Friar harp, and it was actually afternoon, aaand, it was actually in my kitchen after we had successfully bottled a batch of Pale Ale. But, all that is Saccharomyces flooded my cerebral cortex, and I knew the mission I was to partake. I was to create a community-virtual, and accessible world-wide, that offered a fount of knowledge, or access to thereof, concerning the Craft; and a sharing of ideas on our own personal quests for the Eternal Brew. So, I set in motion the necessary paths to worldwide enlightenment. I became ordained through the Universal Life Church (77K), and gathered the resources required to begin such a magnanimous task. Mandala to the start of the sermon, I offer you all we are, and hope that you will join us in our never-ending thirst for knowledge.

Be excellent to each other....
Reverend James "jarboy" Farmer

As a last minute note, it has been brought to my attention that there are several uncomfortable similarities in our Church, and the now defunct Higher Source cult in California.

1)The cult's name--Higher Source

Our name--Our Lady of Malted Barley and Hops:..both comprised of several upper and lower case letters

2)Their occupation--web/internet folk=computer geeks...relying on web page construction and internet consultation for income

Our occuption--same

3)Their formal attire--consisted of purple robes with goofy shoes, of which they were all found dead in.

Our formal attire--(lookit the pikcher) the same, though we are still among the living

4)Their method of death--overdose of alcohol (with a mixture of phenobarbitol and pudding)

Our method of life-consumption of alcoholic beverages==I've heard of phenobarbitol, and we rather enjoy a nice helping of pudding now and then.

5)Their belief-A spaceship, trailing behind the Hale-Bopp comet will take them away to a higher plane of existence.

Our belief--We think Star Trek is really cool, and that Dax has some nice spots on 'er, eh? We have used Comet to clean the bathrrom at some point in our lives.

6)HIGHER SOURCE=12 letters

Our Lady of Malted Barley and Hops=28 letters
12+28+2 (cases of beer per batch brewed)=42 ---> which everyone knows is the Answer to the Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything

7) Their numbers--39 people died in the mansion in California

Our numbers--we can each comfortably fit at least 39 people in our homes (though some may have to sleep in the tub)

Judge for yourself--- or milk it for all it's worth...we are the new fringe, we are the new way, we will show them the light into TRUE eternal bliss. The Higher Source's two mistakes==they performed a bit of unnecessary 'amputations', and they used Vodka. We shall conquer the heavens and eternity with hedonism and a tall, frosty Pale Ale!!!!

Reverend jarboy, again, saying good night, and may the Goddess of Grains keep you well

Bibo, ergo sum